I’m reading the kids a few stories, when Owen brings up a book entirely in German.

Me: Um, Owen, I can’t read German

Owen: PLEEEEEEAAAAAAASSSEEEEEYOU’RESOMEANIWANTMYMOMSHEWOULDNEVERDOTHISTOMEWAAAAAAHIHATEYOU

Me: Fine fine! I’ll read the book… Der Fuchs wachte im Wald. Was zum Teufel ist dieser. Ich weiß nicht einmal, was zum Teufel ist los.

Owen: NO! Say it in English!

Me: *silently fumes*

So we were getting dressed to go swimming, when out of nowhere the four year old tells me that one time he walked into his parents room at night, and “Daddy was spanking Mommy, and he got mad and made me leave”

What

the 

fuck

So all through dinner I just stared at my plate, I couldn’t look either of them in the eyes.